Two Legs, Three Legs, Four Legs, More Rescue Dog Stories Duncan the Canine Tripod and his Friends Seamus, Shannon and Mi by Chris Brooks - HTML preview

House Rules for Dogs

1. If it moves, lick it.
2. If it doesn’t move, lick it until it does, and then apply Rule One.
3. Dogs are not permitted in the kitchen.
4. Dogs are permitted in the kitchen but are not permitted to ‘assist’ in the preparation of food.
5. Dogs are not permitted to sit under the food preparation area with their mouths open.
6. Dogs are not permitted to stick their heads in the fridge.
7. Okay. Dogs are permitted to stick their heads in the fridge, but are not permitted to slurp at the cheese dish and the butter wrappers.
8. Oh have the bloody wrappers then, but dogs are not permitted to sniff over the freshly roasted chicken.
9. Dogs may have the cooked chicken skin and the raw bones, but may not have the breast or legs.
10. Okay, dogs may have some of the breast and legs, but may not drag them over the lounge carpet for inspection and extra flavour.
11. Dogs are not permitted in the house when wet and muddy.
12. Okay, dogs are permitted in the house when wet and muddy, but only in the kitchen.
13. Wet and muddy dogs will be permitted in the lounge only after being thoroughly towelled down and dried.
14. Dogs are not permitted to dry themselves by rubbing themselves on the settee or the lounge carpets and curtains.
15. Dogs are not permitted to drag the disgusting week old remains of the chicken from the dustbin.
16. Dogs are not permitted to roll in the disgusting week old chicken.
17. Dogs who have rolled in the disgusting week old chicken are not permitted on my knee.
18. Dogs who have rolled in and then eaten the disgusting week old chicken are not permitted to burp in my face.
19. Dogs are not permitted in the bathroom when I want a moment of privacy.
20. Dogs are not permitted to jump against the bathroom door to open it.
21. Dogs are not permitted in the bathroom when I am having a bath.
22. Dogs are not permitted to seek out my underwear while I am in the bath and carry it off for consumption.
23. Dogs are not permitted to bury my half consumed underwear under the rose bushes.